Brokenness

It's hard to believe that my time in Cambodia is already over. Yesterday, Caitlyn Philip Tiffany Debbie & I said goodbye to our first team and took a bus back to Southeast Asia to meet up with the team from Fellowship. It was definitely a bittersweet goodbye- the entire 7 hour trip back I battled with an overhwhelming sense of grief and brokenness. There is SO much I saw and experienced in Cambodia- SO MUCH. Many things I can't even blog about- some because there isn't time, some because I need to protect the people I met.. but it's almost impossible to explain the depths of the hurt and pain my heart is carrying. I try to process it a little at time, because when I look at the big picture, it overwhelms me. I don't think that was the Lord's intention in bringing me to Cambodia- so I try to pray over it in small doses so that I'm not left feeling helpless and drowning.

On our last full day in Cambodia, our team went to visit the Ton Le Sak- a lake about 2 hours outside of Pnom Penh. This lake is special because on it reside an estimated 40,000 Vietnamese people. Did you read that? 40,000!! That is INSANE. They live in floating villages all over the lake- little communities of boats that are floating everywhere. The reason that they live this way is because the Vietnamese are so looked down on by the Cambodian people- they are the poorest of the poor in Cambodia. So poor that they don't even have a land to call their own. They are a displaced people with no citizenship, no school to go to, nothing but their floating boat houses. It was so sad to see the people of my heart living in such poor conditions- they are truly a forgotten people.

When we got to the lake, we were taken over a bridge made out of wooden planks (yes, i freaked out and froze in the middle of it for those of you that know me well) and then we got into boats and went to a pastor's house. We prayed for him, hopped back into the boats and started out into the community. We just drove around for awhile, looking at how the people lived. There are houses that have boat repair shops in the front, little general stores.. it really is like a community out on the water.

After driving around, we stopped at a house and were invited in by a family of 4. This family had 2 beautiful young daughters. We sat with them and the Vietnamese that were with us began to share Christ with them while the 3 Americans sat in their boat and prayed. So many of the people living on Ton Le Sak have NEVER HEARD the name of Jesus. Never. Can you imagine? The missionaries we were with said that when they first came to Cambodia they drove boats up and down the lake, asking people if anybody knew about Jesus.. and everybody answered no. They are just sitting in boats, living for the next day, waiting for someone to share the gospel with them.. and praise the Lord, the family we sat with accepted Christ! It was a beautiful way to end our time in Cambodia and I'm so thankful that the Lord allowed me to experience it.

Since leaving I have really struggled to fully engage with where I am now. My heart and mind just can't stop thinking about the things I have seen. I constantly pray, dream, and think about the faces of Cambodia. I would love your prayers as I enter in to a new role as team leader of this next trip- I know the Lord is asking me to be present here and to let the other things go for now. Tomorrow I get to see my 75 brothers and sisters and spend the next 5 days with them and I know it will be good for my soul!

For now, I will leave you with this verse that the Lord gave me today for Cambodia:

"Oh, how can I give you up Israel?

How can I let you go?

How can I destroy you like ADmah 

or demolish you like Zrbolim?

My heart is torn within me, and my compassion overflows

No I will not unleash my fierce anger.

I will not completely destroy Israel,

for I am God and not a mere mortal.

I am the Holy One living among you,

and I will not come to destroy.

For someday the people will follow me.

..and I will bring them home again"

-Hosea 11:7-11